Marshmallows…one or two?!
“What it lies in our power to do, it lies in our power not to do”
I wonder is this true? Pondering on Aristotle’s idea of how we have power to control ourselves, I was reminded of the Marshmallow test I read about.
It was an experiment created by Walter Mischel in 1972 whereby a child was presented with a reward, usually a marshmallow. The child was told that if they could wait upon return of the adult, typically 15 mins, the child would get two marshmallows instead of just the one. If they couldn’t wait, they wouldn’t get the other on return. It is a test in discipline, willpower and instant gratification. Is it as simple as that though?! Throughout the years different factors have been added to the test such as our environment. This can drastically affect our response to how much we want or even need that marshmallow. It is understandable that when things are scarce in life we grab what we can and when we can! So then is self-control simply and solely within our power like Aristotle claims?
With mobile phones and on-demand everything today, is our ability to delay gratification deteriorating? I’m not so sure I would pass the marshmallow test myself as waiting and patience is something I struggle with! Everything around us seems instant, accessible and if it is not, then we start asking why not?
I think that there are certain things we can and should enjoy to the full! Yes I want everything here and now and plenty of it. Keep it coming! The search for fulfilment and that extra marshmallow is always there! It drives us to evolve and explore new ground. Enough seems never quite enough.
However, does that really sustain me, keep me going in the long run? Can we keep going with our lives at that pace and is there a cost to having everything we think we want? Is it even okay to get everything? I ask myself….. why work on self-control at all and what is its purpose? It has only recently dawned on me that even feeling full on excess is temporary and maybe my understanding of self-control has changed. Controlling our wants and desires can be often seen as a negative and difficult thing to master. It may even seem boring and sensible! Could holding back on the excesses of life help us make space for new things, new thoughts, habits and experiences? Does it help us to gain some aspect of control over our lives? Perhaps it allows for a momentary pause in space and time for us to be guided along our right path. It can take time to figure out what we truly want and acting on impulse all the time may not always be the best stepping stones to progress. On the other hand, sometimes we have to grab opportunity as it comes our way or else the moment has passed!
However, there are some things beyond our control. After all that is said and done, we are not perfect and the very idea of attaining perfection is unrealistic. Yes we strive to be better but sometimes the only control we have in certain situations is how we respond to life.
I don’t think I have ever fully appreciated the concept of self-control though, especially when I was younger. Growing up and the challenges of growing older has made me slow down, be more considered in the choices I make. I may pause a little bit more than I used to! I also realise that the messiness of being human is something to embrace and accept. Life is not a controlled test. Being human allows for all sorts of unforeseen decisions, events and opportunities to come our way in life which a test can never anticipate! We can only hope to do our best and be our best at any given time. However, there may be some days when I just can’t wait and all I want is just one marshmallow and I am satisfied with my lot!
